Nummies says, “We asked moms if they could go back to before their first baby, what would they tell themselves. These are their answers. Everyone in the video is a mom.”

Read the article “2011 Lesson #2:  Don’t Carpe Diem” and then come back here to “discuss” it (I shared this post on Facebook, but I’m reposting it here for my readers who don’t follow Nix9t05 on FB.)

Done?  Okay . . .

I wouldn’t trade being a mommy for anything, but there are times when it’s really, really hard.   I have never begrudged anyone who told me to “enjoy this time,” because I don’t take it as “enjoy trying to manhandle your alternately limp and completely rigid child into a carseat.”  I take it more as enjoying “time” in the Kairos sense of the word.  I take it a support that, if can just make it through trying to get an overtired and whining to stop fighting his nap and for-the-love-of-Pete-go-to-sleep-already, there is a silver lining awaiting me.  A cherished Kairos time.

However, there are times when I feel very, very guilty about not enjoying every single minute.  I know women who have lost their pregnancies, lost their babies, lost their young children, or never even had the opportunity to have children, and I think, “What she wouldn’t give to be scrubbing dried spaghetti sauce off the floor.  Again,” or “She would be more than thrilled to be reading the really poorly written dump truck book over and over and over and . . .”  And I feel so guilty.

But let’s be real.  Even these women who would give anything to have a baby, or to have their baby back, wouldn’t just love every moment.  They wouldn’t be tickled pink to see their children lying right down and throwing a slobbering fit in the shoe aisle at Target because the Cowboy Woody shoes aren’t available in the needed size, and mommy can’t just INVENT the right size, now, can she?

No.  They would give anything for the Kairos.  That beautiful, blissful time that makes all the other stuff worthwhile.

It does go fast.  Except for those moments that seem to last forever–when your patience is insufficient to meet the current demand and your child’s tantrum has exceeded your capacity for tolerating whining.  But this too shall pass.

Hang in there, mommas.  If you can make it through this meal, this fit, this mess, this embarrassment, this endless playlist of Cedarmont Kids, you’ve got a little Kairos coming your way.

It’s hard.  But it’s so worth it.

And then I saw this list entitled “How to Feel Miserable as an Artist.”  As you read this list, substitute “Mother” for “Artist,” and make other related substitutions–”client/customer/gallery owner/patron/investor” could be “child/grandparents/in-laws/teachers/neighbors/nosy lady at the grocery store” or whoever else is applicable in your life:

Being a good mother really is an art.  Each day we sculpt a life a little more, helping to shape a person that must eventually shape himself or herself.  It’s an important art.  It’s a wonderful art.  Let us not make ourselves miserable by bowing to the judgment of others and holding ourselves to the impossible goal of perfection.  Love and be loved and be a mom.

Today I want to tell you about a kinder, gentler mask.  This one does not rip the hairs out of your face, and it smells lovely.  In fact, it smells like Christmas and would be the perfect way to pamper yourself and take a break from holiday stress.  I found the recipe for Miracle Mask (via Pinterest, of course) on College Fashion–you know, because I still think I’m 20 and all.

Miracle Mask

• 2 tablespoons honey
• 1 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon

Enjoy.

I’ve said before that I think the Nix9to5 blog has lost focus over the last year, but really, I think it has just shifted its purpose.  No longer is this blog about figuring out how to nix the 9 to 5, but it is about making it work as a work at home mom–which inspired the new tagline for Nix9to5.

I’ll continue writing about the “Work” in Work at Home Mom–opportunities, tips, budgeting, and strategies–but I’ll also be writing a lot about the “Mom” in Work at Home Mom.  From child-centric activities to date nights, from housekeeping and cooking to relaxation and leisure, I’ll be writing about everything that goes into finding and maintaining balance as a Work at Home Mom.

I’m excited about this new phase of my work-at-home journey and about the new direction Nix9to5 has taken.  I hope that all of my readers–not just WAHMs–will find something of value here.

Now let’s get to work.

To begin the class, we watched a video from Andy Stanley‘s “Time of Your Life” series.  In this video, Stanley gave a demonstration of how when we prioritize correctly, all of those things we think we don’t have time for suddenly seem to fit.  I wanted to share a clip of the video with you, but I couldn’t find it.   I did, however, find another blog that had its own pictures of the demonstration, so I’m going to share them with you (providing attribution and hoping that the author doesn’t mind me sharing with you).

Kim Staudenraus used these pictures to show Stanley’s theory that “Priority Determines Capacity.”

This first picture represents all the things we try to do in a day (or week, or month, or year . . . whatever).  The big rocks represent all of the really important things you need to do:  play with your kids, take care of your family, earn a living.  The smaller rocks are things that you really should do, but maybe aren’t as big a deal as the large rocks:  spending time with friends, “me” time, exercise, volunteer work.  The sand is your basic time wasters–maybe things you like to do, but aren’t essential:  Facebook, Pinterest, reading, watching movies, shopping, playing video games . . . whatever else you do in your leisure time.

This next picture shows what happens when you try to just cram everything in without prioritizing.  If you’re like me, this is what your jar looks like.  You can’t seem to fit everything in, and the thought of trying to add just one tiny thing leaves you practically hyperventilating:

Now look what happens if you prioritize, putting your “big rocks” in the jar first, followed by your smaller rocks, and finally filling with sand:

Miraculously, everything fits.  Even the sand.  And you even have a little extra space at the top for something extra that pops up.  You can add it into your jar without collapsing in a fit of tears or neglecting a “big rock” to make room for a little rock–or even some more sand.

I’ve been trying to apply this philosophy lately without even realizing it, and you’d be surprised at how I’m able to accomplish so much more already.  Know that I’ve seen it in action through this visualization, I’m going to make a conscious effort to put my big rocks in the jar first.

Thanks to Andy Stanley, Kim Staudenraus, and the MOM’s Group at Crossings Community Church for helping me truly see this.

Because of so many responsibilities, women often feel like they fail to measure up to some standard they have set for themselves–or maybe even a standard that has been imposed on them.  We often strive for a perfection that is unattainable.

Here are the things I generally think I need to accomplish every single day in order to be the best wife/mother/employee/person I can be:

• Exercise
• Cook three nutritious meals plus snacks for one toddler and one grown man
• Clean the house
• Wash, dry, fold, iron, AND PUT AWAY the laundry
• Actively play with my son
• Provide learning opportunities and educational opportunities for my son
• Shower, shave my legs, and moisturize
• Fix my hair
• Apply make up
• Dress nicely
• Buy groceries
• Organize the home
• Clean out my closets and donate to charity
• Complete as many work assignments as possible (right now, I have 35 web pages/articles/blog posts, 81 status updates, and 46 product descriptions to write.  That’s not counting anything I’d like to do for Nix9to5, and as soon as I finish the items on this list, they will be replaced by new items.  Which is a good problem to have.)
• Be an attentive wife

I’m sure I’m leaving something off, but you get the idea.  Your list probably looks pretty similar.  Though my daily “to-do” list looks like the one above,  my “to-done” list is much shorter.  I get very overwhelmed thinking about everything I should be doing, and I feel like a failure for everything I don’t get done.  Sometimes, it feels like too much, and I just throw in the towel.  Someone once referred to this as the “Try Hard/Do Nothing” cycle, and that definitely fits me.

Part of the problem, though, is that I have really aspired to be a “Proverbs 31 Wife,” and let me tell you, that woman flat wears me out.  I can’t keep up with her, and so I feel–again–like I am really falling short of the kind of woman I should be.  If you don’t know what a “Proverbs 31 Wife” is, let me just quote a little Bible for you:

^{10 [a]}A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I was recently talking to someone about this passage and about how I felt like there was no way I could measure up.  She gets up while it’s dark (that alone is enough to cross me off the “Noble Wife” list–I get up, but not willingly), she is sweet to her husband, she dabbles in real estate, makes clothes for her family, gives to the needy, makes and sells clothing–I mean, this is the ultimate working wife and mother.  She is up before the sun and “her lamp does not go out at night.”  I’m exhausted just reading about her.

My friend interrupted me.  ”Of course she makes you tired.  She makes me tired.  But why don’t you look at verse 15 again.”

¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.

Ah, yes.  Her female servants.  Maybe if I had a few of those, I could get up early and make them breakfast, too.  Before they did my laundry, cleaned my house, scrubbed my toilets, and watched the kids while I was out buying a field.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t aspire to be the best we can be, but maybe we should give ourselves a break now and then.  Maybe today I’ll do a fantastic job of playing with the Bear and being the sweetest, most patient, most entertaining mom in the world, but  not get anything done for work.  Maybe tomorrow, I’ll complete a lot of projects while Bear is at his grandparents’.  Later this week, maybe I’ll balance it all, “playing” with Bear as we clean the  house and he pushes his toy vacuum alongside my real one; working during his nap; and being freshly showered, shaved, and otherwise prettified by the time Hot Husband comes home from work.  I’ll get it all done.  Maybe not all of it every day, but all of it eventually.

Score for Two Days:

1. Three potty stickers Sunday, three so far Monday, and several pair of wet underwear
2. Two and a half loads of laundry (getting the last load out of the dryer in just a minute)
3. Two “Couch to 5K” runs, one “Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred” workout
4. Grilled veggies, fresh strawberries and pineapples, egg whites, lowfat cottage cheese, turkey bacon . . . so far so good
5. Four of my clothing drawers organized, two of Bear’s clothing drawers organized, and some progress made on Bear’s closet
6. Two blog posts (three if you count this one) and three product descriptions written (still woefully behind)
7. Pool inflated and filled, but not yet played in

Well, I thought I wasn’t getting anything accomplished, but looking at this list makes me feel a little better.  Even though I am woefully behind, I am making progress, I guess.

So.  I’m cutting today’s post short and letting some Overwhelmed Mommy Experts take over.

From BlogHer is an article called “Overwhelmed Moms Confess.”  It talks about the Real Live Dangers of being overwhelmed and is practically a blogroll of overwhelmed mommies.  I’ll let them take over from here:  Overwhelmed Moms Confess

Last night, a couple of girlfriends and I redeemed a Groupon for Wine and Canvas.  Wine and Canvas is a three hour art class held at participating restaurants in which participants paint a replica of a famous work of art.  Despite the title, wine is not included–if you do not drink, you will still be welcome at one of these events and will not be uncomfortable.  They even offer “Cookies and Canvas,” a children’s art class for ages 5 through 5th grade.

Johnny Carino’s was the host of last night’s Wine and Canvas event, and my friends and I–none of us with any experience painting anything other than walls–met to recreate Claude Monet’s Sunset in Venice:

I thought an impressionist painting might be the way to go, since things like straight lines are a challenge for me.  This is how my painting turned out:

I think I may have found a new career in art forgery, no?

Here I am with the girls, showing off our masterpieces:

I’m sure we will all be displaying our art prominently over our fireplace mantles . . . or burning them in the fireplace.  Whichever.

We had a great time, and even if I don’t think any of us are going to quit our jobs and move to Paris to become famous artists, I think we were all surprised at how well our first painting attempts turned out.

If you’re looking for something different to do, I recommend Wine and Canvas, which is available in Oklahoma City and Indianapolis.  I think there are similar events in cities around the nation.   The participants were a diverse group and included girlfriends, sisters, couples, and even a few guys that weren’t dragged there by their wives.  It’s a good way to exercise your creative side and try something new without having to venture too far outside your comfort zone.  The girls and I had a great time and plan on doing it again.

Visit the Wine and Canvas website or check out Wine and Canvas OKC on Facebook for more information.